Daydreams Turned into Poetry

Most days I wish I never started modeling.

I guess I just wanted to feel beautiful through someone else’s eyes. 

Little did I know, the only validation I ever needed was mine. 

But if I hadn’t taken that plunge, 

I wouldn’t have seen what I could become...

And I wouldn’t have met you. 

And if I hadn’t, I wonder what life would’ve been like.

Would I still be timid and doubting my capabilities? 

I kept trying to act like you were just another fish in the sea. 

Like you aren’t who you really are to me. 

I tried so hard to impress, 

when all I ever really needed to do was just a little bit less. 

I was supposed to have everything, 

now it’s all gone. 

And no matter how many men come in and out of my life, 

you’ve always been the only one. 

So now, what exactly am I supposed to do? 

Like I said most days I wish I never started modeling, 

because then I would’ve never met you. 

I’ve never been great at expressing how I feel.

Probably because sometimes it’s hard to decipher between what is fake and what is actually real. 

And then I ask myself, have you healed? 

Well, the answer is yes. 

I had to spend enough time alone, and with people less. 

Because too many people made me question my worth or like I wasn’t my best. 

And then I met you. 

And it’s like I can constantly feel my heart beating out of my chest. 

I get choked up, and my eyes begin to water because I know I can be a mess. 

But with me - you’d never have to guess. 

So why did I get so scared? 

Maybe because I never knew a real man could ever show me real love like you and actually care. 

I know I can be a lot to bare. 

But maybe you could spare... 

One last opportunity to show you the real me. 

Show you the kind of woman that I can be. 

And maybe you’ll see...

Why you’ll never want to leave. 

They say the only way to get over somebody is with time.

Well, that is a complete and total lie. 

Time just reminds of you of what you’re missing. 

It’s not even the illusion of time that keeps us wishing. 

We’re just...

Completely fucked up. 

I miss you everyday and nothing ever changes. 

I’ve met tons of people but all they seem like to me is temporary bandages.

Why won’t you go away?

I mean you have physically, but in my heart you’re just here with me every step of the way. 

I hate this.

I feel so alone.

I have all these feelings I wanted to share with you, but now I guess you’ll never know. 

And I’m the one who wanted out, so I have no right to be upset...

I just thought what I wanted was to forget. 

But the pain and the love still resides. 

I have nowhere left to turn, nowhere to hide. 

I can’t believe we don’t have each other anymore because of pride. 

When each day without you, I die a little more inside. 

I just miss those ocean blue eyes.