Daydreams Turned into Poetry

I didn’t realize we were complete opposites. 

But somehow it worked in its own unique way. 

I’m sure you had your reasons to go, 

Yet I always found endless excuses to stay. 

I find myself being constantly reminded of the little things — 

Some days it doesn’t feel like it was just a fling. 

Then I have these mini outbursts of joy, laughter but also confusion. 

Was any of it ever real or was it just an illusion? 

It’s not that I’m having trouble moving on. 

I find peace and hope in you achieving your goals — 

And isn’t that something to be proud of? 

My tears flood down my cheeks like a river.

It’s probably because your last words cut deep, they still make me shiver…

The silver lining is that I can see past us. 

It seems you’re all talked out, 

And that there isn’t anything left to discuss. 

But what’s more important is you reaching your dreams. 

No matter how far away you are now it seems. 

I guess at least I get to see you in my daydreams. 

I drove by your old house the other day…

The trees were a full, vibrant, forest green just like I remember. 

Couples stroll hand in hand as they walk their dog together. 

Kids run around the park with not a care in the world. 

And I stop…just for a moment and reminisce on the days when I was your girl…

I’m not really sure why or how I ended up in your neighborhood..

But some days you’re all I seem to think about. 

And so I thought, maybe I should.

The sun hits my cheek on these early mornings. 

I think about the times that I used to splash water on your face in the shower without any subtle hints or warnings. 

Days, afternoons, nights, just memories…

I used to write love letters about you and me. 

Of how we almost came to be.

I miss you and I know that won’t change. 

But I believe in you, and what you have to offer the world, 

Even if we are estranged. 

And so I drove by your old house the other day…

I guess I really just wanted to see if I still knew my way. 

Roses are actually red. 

And violets have always been blue. 

How come, no matter how hard I try — 

I still cannot seem to get over you. 

And I can’t even be mad that you found someone new.

I just wanted you to be happy, that much has always been true. 

What can I say? After all the time has passed, 

I guess I thought my love for you would too. 

But it’s only the days that have come and gone, 

It seems as if my love for you extends beyond — 

Beyond the present, the future and our past. 

As the seasons change, the memories we shared are the only thing that last…

I wonder… 

What it is we actually meant to each other. 

If anything really. 

Sometimes I find how I feel a rather bit silly. 

We don’t even talk anymore and yet, 

I still can’t seem to close our door. 

Like somehow I’ve managed to stay…

Hopeful.

The door always remains half open, just wide enough for a tiny peak. 

There were so many chances I had to open up to you and opportunities to really speak. 

But the words never came, and I never let you back in. 

I just want to know, do you ever think about what we had way back when? 

Most days I wish I never started modeling.

I guess I just wanted to feel beautiful through someone else’s eyes. 

Little did I know, the only validation I ever needed was mine. 

But if I hadn’t taken that plunge, 

I wouldn’t have seen what I could become...

And I wouldn’t have met you. 

And if I hadn’t, I wonder what life would’ve been like.

Would I still be timid and doubting my capabilities? 

I kept trying to act like you were just another fish in the sea. 

Like you aren’t who you really are to me. 

I tried so hard to impress, 

when all I ever really needed to do was just a little bit less. 

I was supposed to have everything, 

now it’s all gone. 

And no matter how many men come in and out of my life, 

you’ve always been the only one. 

So now, what exactly am I supposed to do? 

Like I said most days I wish I never started modeling, 

because then I would’ve never met you. 

I’ve never been great at expressing how I feel.

Probably because sometimes it’s hard to decipher between what is fake and what is actually real. 

And then I ask myself, have you healed? 

Well, the answer is yes. 

I had to spend enough time alone, and with people less. 

Because too many people made me question my worth or like I wasn’t my best. 

And then I met you. 

And it’s like I can constantly feel my heart beating out of my chest. 

I get choked up, and my eyes begin to water because I know I can be a mess. 

But with me - you’d never have to guess. 

So why did I get so scared? 

Maybe because I never knew a real man could ever show me real love like you and actually care. 

I know I can be a lot to bare. 

But maybe you could spare... 

One last opportunity to show you the real me. 

Show you the kind of woman that I can be. 

And maybe you’ll see...

Why you’ll never want to leave. 

They say the only way to get over somebody is with time.

Well, that is a complete and total lie. 

Time just reminds of you of what you’re missing. 

It’s not even the illusion of time that keeps us wishing. 

We’re just...

Completely fucked up. 

I miss you everyday and nothing ever changes. 

I’ve met tons of people but all they seem like to me is temporary bandages.

Why won’t you go away?

I mean you have physically, but in my heart you’re just here with me every step of the way. 

I hate this.

I feel so alone.

I have all these feelings I wanted to share with you, but now I guess you’ll never know. 

And I’m the one who wanted out, so I have no right to be upset...

I just thought what I wanted was to forget. 

But the pain and the love still resides. 

I have nowhere left to turn, nowhere to hide. 

I can’t believe we don’t have each other anymore because of pride. 

When each day without you, I die a little more inside. 

I just miss those ocean blue eyes.